Thursday, November 20, 2014

Miscellaneous poetic ramblings

Rhinestones on my mind
Not a rhinestone cowboy
not Glenn Campbell on my mind
 
Rhinestones on my mind
No kidney stones
Gall stones
Kept in a jar
 
Rhinestones
Stoner
Stonehenge
Someone I once knew
had an Uncle Stony
 
Rhinestones on my mind
Rolling Stones
Healing stones
Skippin’ stones
 
Stone soup
Stone’s throw
Sticks and stones
Breaking bones
 
Rhinestones on my mind
on my neck
Sparkle on
Sparkle forever
 
 
fun with the fammies
Too much hammies
put her in the jammies
better than the whammies...
 
 
 
 

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Al's Box O' Thrills

Neighbor Essay
Home #4

A year after our newlywed status, I asked James to move out. My status changed to “separated single.” I’d never lived by myself before. 

My landlords Al and Sonia lived upstairs, a family of four, or five, or six, depending on which of the boys got kicked out, and whether or not the husband came home.

They had a black Labrador retriever named Monty who picked up tools left lying around the house or the driveway, and buried them diligently in the yard.  Many times, I saw my landlord Al muttering and digging in the yard, retrieving his tools.  They were a rowdy bunch. Sonia, his wife, wore dark glasses outside, and didn’t stop to chat with the other faded house-dressed women in the neighborhood.  She favored bright patterned silk scarves, wound around her head and tied in the back, a la Jackie Onassis.  She wore a trench coat most of the time. 

Al was a cross between John Wayne in swagger and size, and Robert Mitchum in rugged good looks, with that bad boy, intrigue a-foot grin.  He was the self-appointed good will ambassador of the block.  The ladies could be seen hanging onto their front fences smiling broadly for Al, as he walked past the brick row houses.  He had a greeting for them all, talked to everyone, often and long, if you asked too many questions.


Years later, he would turn up as a stage hand on the David Letterman show.  Still some swagger, but more years added in the gut, thicker glasses, a tamped down look about him. Dave regularly exchanged banter with Backstage Al.  Occasionally, the viewers would catch a glimpse of Al, laconically smiling behind the curtain.  The banter developed into a skit called Al’s Box o’ Thrills, where Dave would say “Ok, Al, what’ve you got for me tonight? I’m ready – go!”  And Al would pull a rope off stage, and all sorts of stuff would get dumped out of a giant box over Dave’s head – things like roses or dog biscuits or confetti or something.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v8fDJSiOEY
 
Anyway, Al and Sonia had three teenage sons and a prepubescent daughter who wore the tightest pants in the world, and lots of pancake make up, making her look like a china doll.  None of the kids spoke to me, though I was barely five years older than any of them. I guess they thought I was a grownup.

In the corner of my bedroom in the apartment in which I tried not to be afraid by myself, was a locked door (situated behind the armoire), that led to the upstairs apartment. I awoke one night to the sounds of a ruckus upstairs.  One of the boys had come home drunk and his mother was letting him have it.  Al got up and got involved, adding his loud voice to the mix. Then there was a scuffle, maybe the boy tripped, or fell backwards over the rail that I knew to be in their kitchen.  He ended up tumbling down the stairs.  My heart stopped, and then thumped and pounded and raced in a panic.  Would he, in desperation, try to come through the door?  What should I do?  I couldn't breathe; couldn't utter a sound. I did what I’d done as a child if I heard a noise somewhere in the house: closed my eyes and pulled the covers over my head.  Was it forever or just a minute that I waited breathlessly?  I never heard him get up.  I never heard Al or Sonia come down the stairs.  All became quiet.  Did he sleep the night in the stairwell, crumpled in a heap, with a wooden stair for a pillow?  I fell asleep.  

But that winter, newly separated from my husband, I met another neighbor.  He gave me a lift in his car one snowy morning as I waited for the bus to get to the subway. The car was a twenty five year old custom Cadillac with gadgets and widgets like I’d never seen before.  He was very proud of his car; it drove like a smooth sailing ship through the streets of Manhattan.  He was tall and rangy and very friendly.  That spring, he left one of his puppies at my door with a note – please name me and I’ll keep you company. Of course I couldn’t have a puppy, but Leo, (who I named for my astrological sign) and I fell in love, and he stayed over often, even though he did his usual puppy things all over the apartment.  After one particularly large puppy load which I attempted to flush down the toilet with a lot of paper towels, I created a big plumbing problem.  I called upstairs for help, but of course made sure to get Leo out of the house first.  Al came to the rescue.  I could not admit to the puppy being the problem, but was mortified wondering what Al might find.  I guess he formed his own conclusions.  But he never asked me about James no longer living there. 

Big Al passed away just last year, remembered for being the Dad of five children and a wife of decades.  I learned that he’d been an Air Force pilot in WWII and had flown 37 missions over enemy territory.  His obit said he’d been trained by Air Force instructor Jimmy Stewart (yes, the actor).

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Screaming Woman, Man with Gloves

Neighbor Essay #3

It was the same neighborhood but I started to see it, and hear it, differently.  There was the usual blend of grown-ups and kids; some had more than others.  Mrs. Collins down the block had three boys and wanted a girl so bad that she was always putting her scarf on her head and going to church and praying for a girl.  Mother said “be careful what you wish for” cause she had four girls and knew how much trouble they were, but Mrs. Collins prayed hard and often, and before you know it, she had a girl.  She named her Mary, as she had promised the Blessed Mother she would (she had two more girls after that, but Mother said she hadn’t prayed for them).

There was the short man who wore white gloves all the time and held his hands up in the air kind of, and walked with his mother, even though he was a grown up himself and he didn’t talk to anyone.  And there was Eddie, who had beautiful smooth tan skin and happy eyes, but my Mother said not to get too friendly with him.

The new apartment was larger and lighter.  It had a front room that we called the porch, with windows facing onto the street; the TV was there, and Mother had her African violets on the windowsills.  It was just big enough for two chairs and a small bookcase.  In later years, that room would be a safe haven for boyfriends, situated as it was, at the very front of the railroad style apartment and out of hearing range from the kitchen where my father sat every night after dinner.  Our new landlords had an overweight cocker spaniel named Ginger who didn’t like kids, and had to be carried up the flight of stairs, because something was wrong with her. The landlady’s huffing and puffing, together with her humming, (why doesn’t she get a tune, Mother would say) was a familiar and annoying sound to us. 

My sister and I shared a narrow bedroom, right off the kitchen.  We had twin beds with carved pineapp-ley things as bed posts.  My bed, closest to the door, overshot the doorway by a few inches, so the door could not close.  The window in our bedroom faced the downstairs apartment next door, with an alleyway in between that led to two garages in the back of the houses.  The alleyway was so narrow that Fred the landlord scraped the side of his car more than once as he backed out of the garage. My mother said he should get new glasses.

In the apartment across the alleyway lived a pale young woman named Vivian, with her two pale faced toddler children who had startlingly whitish, blond hair. Her skin was the whitest I’d ever seen and it stretched tight across her face and her pointy nose. She was very thin and narrow and she wore dark, narrow skirts and crisp shirts.  She was rarely seen in the neighborhood, and hardly spoke to anyone if she did. My mother said if she took the children out once in a while, they would get some color in their faces. 

There were early mornings when the sun was barely up, and some evenings when it was just going down, in warmer weather, when private sounds carried chillingly across the narrow alleyway through the windows, cracked open to catch a soft spring breeze. 

It began with the muffled sounds of the children crying or yelling or fighting with each other.  And then she would start yelling and it would get louder and louder, until the wobbly screeching of her voice filled me with terror.  It was different from my mother’s screams, or maybe we are inured to our own family dramas.  Her screams would soon be mixed with the sound of the toddlers, quietly sobbing.  My sister and I would press our pillows over our heads to escape the sound, wishing it to stop. 

It became a part of our lives, and one that we never got used to. 

Friday, October 31, 2014

The Purple Pick and the Meaty Hand

I found a guitar pick today to add to my collection.  My guitar pick collection is very small; my daughter used to mock me to her friends during her teenaged years, saying

"My mother thinks anything over two is a collection" 

She's almost right.  I think my guitar pick collection is up to five or six.  Though I fear I may have used one in an art piece.  I hope not.  Anyway, though I am artistic, I have no musical talent whatsoever, but am intrigued by those who do. I have musician envy.  I even went so far as to live with a musician at one point in my life, but the four years only served to prove to me that they think differently than most, and I couldn’t grasp the thought patterns.  Well, that was one thing that was proved.

Each time I find one (guitar pick, not musician)  I imagine where it came from and who was he or she?  What do they play and how much passion do they have?  Are they serious musicians?  Do they get paid for what they do or would they play anywhere, anytime, just to be playing?  What kind of music do they play?  Is it folky?  Rock and roll?  bluesy?  Where do they come from and where will they go?  
This one is purple. I think I have a red and a green and a brown.   So purple is good.
and it more than makes up for being sent on "an errand" at my advanced age.  But I welcomed the walk and felt lucky to find the pick in the parking lot.   As I will feel lucky tonight if the electric goes back on, cause this is tedious as hell trying to type by candle light.  Besides, the battery will die very soon and then I will be left with all these words stuck in my head and have to try and go to sleep at nine o clock at night which will be a really hard thing for me to do.  So while I can, I will type fast, even though I can’t get on line to post this probably until tomorrow,  and tomorrow is Halloween and I was just in the middle of making the Meaty Hand for the creepy, scary food fest at work tomorrow.  The meaty hand was such a hit last year, everyone is looking forward to it again, but now what will I do if the power doesn’t come back again, maybe even not in the morning?
 

 

 

 

 

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Stolen Monday

Mondays loom heavy on Sunday nights and invite a panoply of wide ranged feelings.  Dread mixed with duty; resignation blended with responsibility;  rebellion matched by determination.  For some, there may be enthusiasm. Hooray for them! I have known that in the past, and I have known the opposite.  Either way, its fine fodder for writing.

This was written in 2010.
A stolen Monday by dint of the white lie
Up all night I say sounding wan and done in
I won’t be in today
And now, the only thing I miss
about the office is the warmth
as I sit in several layers blowing on my hands
Fasting today, having cleansing on my mind,
soothing my spirit, gathering my old self
Wherever it has scurried away to.
Create, smile, sip tea
ignore the scent of morning toast,
the imagined sound of crunching, tooth to jaw
Tomorrow is another day
there will be toast then
Today is myself manufactured
anything today
Apply for jobs,
Write, draw
Organize, communicate with friends
take a long walk
feel the day
Mondays can be so nice

 

Mae

Neighbor Essay #2  Mae

We moved to a smaller apartment. My sister Marge was about to be married within the year and we could get a smaller apartment.  It was a different neighborhood, different schools, different nuns, with different habits.  Our uniforms changed from green to navy blue, but still they were jumpers with pleated skirts, and the same slightly yellowed white nylon blouses worn under it. The beanie and the saddle shoes completed the outfit. Again, we had a landlady downstairs, and constant reminders from our mother about “lift your feet” and “hush your big mouth.”  We were well used to it. 

The apartment was narrow and dark, but Mother was friendly with Mae, the landlady, and so it was deemed okay.  Mae worked as a postal clerk, in the drugstore on the avenue, just around the corner  and down a couple of blocks. When you entered the drugstore, you walked to the back of the store, and there in the left corner of the store was a carved out spot that looked like a teller’s window at the bank.  All day “Mae” sat behind that window with the bars, on her high stool, and sold stamps and handled parcel post deliveries.  Whenever my mother sent me for stamps, Mae (or Mrs. Campbell as I called her) would say cheerily “Hello Dear, what can I do for you?” 

Sometimes I worried that she had overheard my sister and I yelling or fighting or that she may have heard me crying in the bathroom after my mother scolded me for yet another infraction.  Mrs. Campbell had tightly curled hair of a sandy color and a lot of large spread out freckly areas on her face.  She had a fierce double chin that wobbled over the top of her blouses and sweaters that she wore over her shoulders and held on with a chain like thing across her chest. Her pink, shiny cheeks didn’t have freckles, and her gold rimmed glasses held onto the end of her nose.

She wore brown or green most of the time.  But the most curious thing about her was her hands, or more particularly, the palms of her hands.  They were very pink and soft looking and reminded me of roast beef, the rare kind that we only ate around the holidays and special occasions.  I watched them closely when she counted out my change and handed me the stamps.

A couple of years after we moved in, Mae decided to raise the rent, and broke the news to my mother as they played cards and drank beer downstairs in her kitchen one Friday night, which they did often. “You understand Margie, cost of living and all that.”  Later that night when Mother came back upstairs, we heard the news from our bedroom, right off the kitchen, where my father sat smoking and working on his crossword, a can of beer at his side.
 
“And she just kept eating her pretzels” Mother yelled to Dad in that loud whisper she used when she didn’t want us to hear. “That’s it, we’re moving” she announced. It didn’t matter much to me, but my sister and I both wished she had found something a little farther away. 

We moved next door. 
 
Boys from school teased me unmercifully about the move “Think you’ll be able to find your way home after you move?” followed by their doubling over with exaggerated, hysterical laughter. We moved from a second floor apartment, to the first floor apartment next door.  I liked that idea, it meant the landlady would have to lift her feet and my mother wouldn’t always be yelling about that. “Ha”, my sister said smugly “she’s the landlady, she can walk around with heavy boots on if she wants to.”
The houses were built no more than one foot from each other.  All day, as my father and brothers-in-law and older sisters went up and down the stairs, in and out of the gates, I roller skated and stayed out of the way.  That night, my sister and I dressed in our pajamas which had been left in our empty rooms, brushed our teeth, walked next door, and went to bed in our new apartment.  After several months of passing each other on the sidewalk without so much as a nod, Mother and Mae made up and returned to the occasional Friday night card games and cans of Schlitz, though Mother always said Rheingold was better.

 

One Year of Blogamy


Today I celebrate one year of Blogamy……….last year when I started this blog, I committed to posting each month, and at least 3-4 times a month.  I believe I have kept to that.  And I like the challenge and I like the discipline, and it forces me to polish things up a bit more and to drag out of my head the swirling and at times, muddled, thoughts and get them down on paper. 

Thank you to all who follow FernJive 65 (or check on it from time to time.) I am grateful to you all.

Tonight I post Neighbor # 2 from the Neighbors Essays series and also a couple of random entries.

Here’s my website: http://fernsuessartetc.wordpress.com/  if you want to check out some art, photography or poetry.  All these endeavors will be combined at some point in the coming year.