Monday, October 26, 2015

Big Joe



Big Joe used to hoard office supplies.  He was a retired cop and had never worked in an office, but he had an affinity for office supplies; mostly paper, but pens and markers too, though to a lesser degree.  He hoarded in secret, putting the supplies, still in their Staples bags with the receipts, down in the basement of his three bedroom ranch.  There could be found several bags bulging with: reams of copy paper, packages of loose leaf paper, steno pads, legal pads, yellow lined and white lined; packages of Sharpies, Bic pens and highlighters.  These items seemed to be the repeat purchases; he wasn’t too big on binder clips, staples or tape. 

I know because my sister, his wife, started referring to the basement as the office supply store.  When I visited she would ask if I needed ‘anything’, with a sideways motion of her head and her mouth stretched in that direction, towards the basement door.  Never one to pass up some paper, I’d say sure and we’d go down after Big Joe had gone to bed, and I’d “shop”.  Her grown kids did the same, always surreptitiously, occasionally calling ahead to ask her to check the inventory. The goods were always removed when Big Joe wasn’t around or they were hidden in other bags upon leaving.  Diaper bags were roomy receptacles for office supplies. 

Big Joe never commented on the decreasing piles.  In fact he never once concurred that he had even put the bags down there.  Prior to the basement stash, he had been putting the bags in the small spare room that had belonged to his older son.  That was when my sister, his wife, seeing that a buildup wash happening, began to give the stuff away.  He never asked where the bags of supplies were going, but had changed course and started depositing them in the basement.  It was never discussed, never pointed out.  It was all very secret and covert.  

There were other bags that he left here and there – the plastic type of grocery bags.  They would have receipts or some other odds and ends of paper – just stuff he never went through to throw out, but would accumulate.  My sister, the opposite of an accumulator, has the reputation of throwing the current day’s newspaper out before the end of the day if she knows she won’t have time to read it.  So she had taken to throwing the plastic bags of paper scraps out when Big Joe wasn’t around to see. Sometimes brown paper bags too. 

It was that one time that she noticed him in and out of Young Joe’s old bedroom, up and down the basement stairs; each several times. It was not his personality to wander.  Mostly, he drifted from bed to table to car, completing his errands, then back to couch, table, bed.  My sister finally asked him what he was looking for?  “Oh, just a bag” Big Joe said.  Humph, she thought, just a bag?  Days passed and the hunt continued.  Big Joe seemed to be getting pretty worked up.  My sister began to worry about the bags she’d been throwing out (which of course she would never, could never, tell him, or admit to doing).  Some days later Big Joe asked her if she’d thrown out a certain brown bag in recent weeks.  Of course not was her answer.  It was then that he sheepishly admitted that he’d been saving some money in a paper bag, just throwing bills in with the intention of counting it up and banking it when he had the time.  “How much was in there?” my sister asked tentatively.  About two thousand, Big Joe replied. 

In later years, Big Joe began hoarding Vodka, in addition to the office supplies.  This was a true mystery, as Big Joe was a Bourbon drinker all the way, though in fact he drank less and less as the years went on.  My sister started showing up with a bottle of Vodka when she visited, or slipping a bottle of Vodka in with the paper supplies when I was in the basement choosing my papers.  No one asked Big Joe why. 
When he died, he wasn’t remembered for his office supply hoarding; that remained his secret.   I remember him for his sudden outbursts of laughter, which brightened and illuminated his face.  He wasn’t known for being a talker, but he sure loved a good laugh.

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