Sunday, July 27, 2014

Neighbors

Author note:  This is an intro to a series of essays on "Neighbors" that I have worked on for longer than I care to admit.  There are a dozen or so essays.  I intend to publish some of them here.  I invite you to comment.

Howdy Neighbor!

I got to thinking about the houses I’ve lived in throughout my life.  The rooms, the hallways, the alleyway below my window, the city block, the country road, the dead end scary street, the village, the hillside, the road view, the woods view, the pond view.

I got to thinking of some of those folks who shared each neighborhood with me. Neighbor: One who lives near or is adjacent to another; a fellow human being.  Neighbors, the ones who waved or greeted or nodded each day as we passed each other on the street, or jumped in and out of our cars, or sped out of driveways and down the road.  The ones who lived their lives mysteriously, moving in and around street corners with just a shadow behind them, those I never got to know.  Yes, they left their impression also.  There were some who helped out in a dire emergency and I was thankful enough to kiss their feet at the time, but soon afterward, when all the hoopla died down, we reverted to the nod and the wave.  I know people who moved from their family abode to their married home where they live out their entire adult lives, changing wallpaper and paint color and upholstery and cabinets, but knowing their rooms like the very skin on the back of their hands, knowing the view from their kitchen window as they know their morning face in the mirror; the passage of years may adjust some of the settings, but the face, and the view remain the same.

How curious to me, an inquisitive nomad, though truth be told, I bop, not across the globe, but merely from state to state and back again, from one part of the same town to another; across the street once, and  another time, merely next door. Surprisingly, even that move offered its surprises, its own change of “guard”, different neighbors.  Neighbors up, neighbors down, next door, or across the way. I once had a neighbor for eight years who I never saw or met, but each evening, in the wintertime, when I brushed my teeth, I could see the light on in his house through the stripped down woods. Oddly, no matter what time I went to bed, that light was on. For me, neighbors are a unique subset. 

Neighbors play bit parts in our stage career of life. Maybe they are the lighting crew, the curtain man, the coffee gopher.  But maybe, just maybe, they are the ones we remember.  They are a distinctive category of people who appear to stroll, race walk, plow, amble, insinuate, and exist in our lives. We know they are there, like we know a thorn has nestled itself into the skin of our thumb, or as we feel the first spring breeze across our cheeks, without acknowledging its caress. Neighbors may not offer the type of kinship or camaraderie as our coworkers, who are bound by the unwritten mores of job related dealings; the ones with which we spend eight hours locked into professional combat. The ones who ask every Monday morning “How was your weekend?” (Of course my neighbor might know I never left the house all weekend) Nor do neighbors usually possess the ingredients required for the bond of friendship, though some do make that grade.  Now and then we experience an over the backyard fence type of neighbor.  More often than not, they become the reason for the fence.  In urban settings, our closest neighbors can remain strangers, with only their nine to five heels clicking intimately past our door each morning on their way to the elevator. 

This novella, therefore, I dedicate to all the neighbors who claim a spark in my memory, from my early roots in Queens, New York, on to the hills of Northwestern New Jersey, and right on up to the Hudson Valley in glorious New York State. All the names have been changed to protect the neighbors’ identities.  I hope you’ll enjoy the neighborhoods. 

Thursday, July 24, 2014

I used to Like the Telephone

I miss:
when telephones were black and solid and sat securely on tables or hung on walls.
(or cute little oval shapes of pink and  white or aqua, that sat on your small night table ontop of the doily thing.)

And had a rotary dial that made a reassuring whirring sound as the dial turned back to zero after you dialed each number
They even had a smell to them, maybe the wire or the hard vinyly plastic of the receiver,
heavy in your hand, solid.

It gave your words importance. 

When there were telephone tables and telephone chairs, or long spiral cords that your Mother stretched out from the phone on the wall in the kitchen in order to reach the pot that was boiling over while the kids tried to play jump rope with it?

 
When there were telephone books and telephone men, who came to the house and into your kitchen to do their job? And you weren’t afraid to let them in…

When the phone rang, you answered it, or you didn’t. 
If you answered it, you knew the person who was calling, unless it was bad news.
If you didn’t answer it…they’d call back another time.

Strangers didn’t call to sell you something
Bill collectors didn’t call to harass you
Your friends didn’t call you during the day and leave a message, knowing  you weren’t home.
You didn’t come home and walk to a blinking light and “check your messages”
(or be disappointed when there was no blinking light)

When you were speaking with someone, they never said:
Hold on a minute, disappearing to talk to someone else.
They didn’t say I’m losing you
They didn’t say can you hear me now?
They didn’t say I’m putting you on speaker phone, so I can use my hands for something else.
They weren’t in a grocery store talking to a cashier
They weren’t in a bar or club, screaming their response or yelling can you speak louder?
They weren’t driving their car
They weren’t taking a leak and telling you about it.
 
I miss real phones.  

No Problem


The problem with “no problem”
Is what to say about no problem.

I have a problem with “No problem” 

I don’t understand it and it make the hackles go up on my back (though I don’t really know what hackles are). 

I just don’t know what became of You’re welcome. 

Why and how did a negative retort such as NO problem come to replace a kind and gracious “you’re welcome”?  it doesn’t even mean the same thing!  It doesn’t imply or give credence to the fact that you have just kindly thanked the (fill in the blank)…………  shop clerk, credit card customer service person, contractor, gallery sitter,  person you stop on the street to ask directions………..

When they say No problem, it implies that there was a problem in the first place, but that it’s okay, and you are off the hook somehow ; they are doing you a favor by stating that it’s ok, no problem……..
It’s a generation thing and I should probably ask young’uns of that generation – but do they know? 

According to one leading psychologist, this isn't the best choice of words. After four decades of studying persuasion, Influence author Robert Cialdini has come to see "you're welcome" as a missed opportunity. "There is a moment of power that we are all afforded as soon as someone has said 'thank you,'" Cialdini explains. To capitalize on this power, he recommends an unconventional reply:

"I know you'd do the same for me."

Dumbest ass thing I ever heard…………

Monkey Joes for Consolation


Knock knock
Tap tap, bad PA system
Machine gun spraying bullets; trigger stuck on
Jackhammer on city streets
Sandblasting, bridge repair
buzzing alarm, like some commercial, industrial building before they
shut the gates and do a lock down
Barking dog, the persistent sound underneath

…sudden quiet

Knock, knock
Tap, tap, bad PA system
Machine gun spraying bullets
Incessant, jabbing
Barking dog
Buzzing alarm
Cold, breezy
Lamb’s wool earphones  
How many other ears have they been on?

The rubber squeeze thing in my hand.
Like an oversized ear syringe
“squeeze this if there’s a problem, I’ll come and get  you out”

I have a dot on my pelvic bone, close to the groin
I have been drawn on with a marker, injected by a large needle  
A doctor with thickly dense salt and pepper curly hair,
a tan face, a friendly manner
His shoes click back and forth on the cold floor
What kind of shoes are they
My toes are taped together

I promise myself some Monkey Joe consolation
Upon release from this sterile racket

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil
…smell no evil
This place restores my reality  
Burlap bags of beans slumped
Against the counter – Samatra Brazil, La Pastora Tarrazi….
The scone is plump with chocolate chips,
coated with chunky sugar crystals
friendly stuffed monkeys everywhere

Ceiling fans whir quietly, like Nick’s cafĂ© in Casablanca
The tin decorated ceiling is shades of beige, soft green, gold
Swirls of fleur de lis, filigree patterns
The young girls are sweet and helpful, nurturing
“let me warm your mug for you”
Hexagonal mocha floor tiles overall
with a white daisy like flower center,
six surrounding tiles, mocha latte

Soft worn wood, chairs and tables and counters
A giant grapevine wreath over the hearth
A monkey with white fur rimming it’s head
Reclines languidly on the wreath
Sanity restored.